Sunday, December 05, 2004
Starting Lineup (washingtonpost.com)Starting Lineup
By Dan Steinberg
Washington Post Staff Writer
Yet again, the sports pages have gotten away from the games, instead focusing on leaked grand jury testimony, pot-smoking running backs and D.C. Council deliberations. The solution? Milton Bradley, of course. No, not the ball-tossing, bottle-hurling, traffic-stop-interfering outfielder. As Joe Gibbs has clearly recognized, sometimes you gotta dig up an old-fashioned game plan.
"Risk," Mark Cuban: Mavs owner announces plans to begin a gambling hedge fund. Can't imagine David Stern will be happy about this -- and heaven help us if there's ever a push.
"The Game of Life," Mack Brown: After stumping hard for support, Texas head man earns berth in Rose Bowl. The Longhorns were helped by Cal's shaky win over Southern Miss, combined with Tom DeLay's plan to redistrict uncooperative BCS voters.
"Remote Possibilities," the Cavs: University of Virginia decides not to accept any bowl bids that conflict with first-semester final exams. Not a bad idea; we've seen what happens whenever this team gets tested.
"Lucky Ducks," Wyoming: Cowboys, on the other hand, secure a spot in the Pioneer PureVision Las Vegas Bowl, an event whose lovely name was apparently coined by Julia Roberts.
"Ants in the Pants," Tom Brokaw: Middle-aged white guy leaves high-profile job, and the powers-that-be replace him with a different middle-aged white guy. Maybe the alumni made them do it.
"Are You for Real?" Mark Brunell: Benched quarterback says the team's critics fail to understand "what it takes in this passing game." Um, a clipboard?
"Guess Who?" Jay-Z and Linkin Park: Latest to join mash-up craze, in which two groups with nothing in common are mixed together. The trend is even spreading beyond music -- see, for example, the Big East and the BCS.
"Don't Break the Ice," Keith Primeau: Flyers captain says he's optimistic about new NHL talks, under the theory that "any talk is better than no talk." That's the same philosophy, incidentally, that motivates Skip Bayless and Woody Paige.
"In Pursuit," Kirsten Dunst and Tobey Maguire: Early favorites for a new People's Choice chemistry award, based on their compelling relationship in "Spider-Man 2." As an added bonus, voters cited the fact that their chemistry doesn't cause voice changes or acne.
"Don't Spill the Beans," Victor Conte: So he was lying before when he said he did nothing wrong, but his dramatic new made-for-TV allegations are the honest truth? While skeptics abound, Conte's abrupt reversal seems perfectly reasonable to Maurice Clarett.
"Mr. Potato Head," Barry Bonds: The classic, face-changing friend! Flaxseed oil sold separately.
Benched: Ken Jennings, the Gramatica family, "McEnroe," Peter Angelos's vote, "the clear," "the cream."
By Dan Steinberg
Washington Post Staff Writer
Yet again, the sports pages have gotten away from the games, instead focusing on leaked grand jury testimony, pot-smoking running backs and D.C. Council deliberations. The solution? Milton Bradley, of course. No, not the ball-tossing, bottle-hurling, traffic-stop-interfering outfielder. As Joe Gibbs has clearly recognized, sometimes you gotta dig up an old-fashioned game plan.
"Risk," Mark Cuban: Mavs owner announces plans to begin a gambling hedge fund. Can't imagine David Stern will be happy about this -- and heaven help us if there's ever a push.
"The Game of Life," Mack Brown: After stumping hard for support, Texas head man earns berth in Rose Bowl. The Longhorns were helped by Cal's shaky win over Southern Miss, combined with Tom DeLay's plan to redistrict uncooperative BCS voters.
"Remote Possibilities," the Cavs: University of Virginia decides not to accept any bowl bids that conflict with first-semester final exams. Not a bad idea; we've seen what happens whenever this team gets tested.
"Lucky Ducks," Wyoming: Cowboys, on the other hand, secure a spot in the Pioneer PureVision Las Vegas Bowl, an event whose lovely name was apparently coined by Julia Roberts.
"Ants in the Pants," Tom Brokaw: Middle-aged white guy leaves high-profile job, and the powers-that-be replace him with a different middle-aged white guy. Maybe the alumni made them do it.
"Are You for Real?" Mark Brunell: Benched quarterback says the team's critics fail to understand "what it takes in this passing game." Um, a clipboard?
"Guess Who?" Jay-Z and Linkin Park: Latest to join mash-up craze, in which two groups with nothing in common are mixed together. The trend is even spreading beyond music -- see, for example, the Big East and the BCS.
"Don't Break the Ice," Keith Primeau: Flyers captain says he's optimistic about new NHL talks, under the theory that "any talk is better than no talk." That's the same philosophy, incidentally, that motivates Skip Bayless and Woody Paige.
"In Pursuit," Kirsten Dunst and Tobey Maguire: Early favorites for a new People's Choice chemistry award, based on their compelling relationship in "Spider-Man 2." As an added bonus, voters cited the fact that their chemistry doesn't cause voice changes or acne.
"Don't Spill the Beans," Victor Conte: So he was lying before when he said he did nothing wrong, but his dramatic new made-for-TV allegations are the honest truth? While skeptics abound, Conte's abrupt reversal seems perfectly reasonable to Maurice Clarett.
"Mr. Potato Head," Barry Bonds: The classic, face-changing friend! Flaxseed oil sold separately.
Benched: Ken Jennings, the Gramatica family, "McEnroe," Peter Angelos's vote, "the clear," "the cream."
